I feel like some sort of an addict when I take one day at a time to confront my situation and struggle with it, but I think I was.
All the things that you did with the other significant one, all the small things, from how the day was starting and all that wonderful routine you shared together, what messages would you be sharing during the day, what dinner you would eat together, etc.
So, I guess this is exactly like drug recovery. One step at a time, baby steps.
It is hard ,I know. Trying to cope with the reality that everything will change and nothing will be the same again.
It sounds so dramatic but if you are like me, a person that invests 100% of itself in a relationship, then you will know it is true.
Today I feel a bit worse then yesterday, because :
As the day starts, you go to work, doing your tasks, talking to other people, you get caught up in that particular routine and it is great to take your mind out of it, but the fact that I work from home does not help very much. Standing between 4 walls, and trying to focus on my writing and my jewelry making, it's so damn hard because the mind keeps going to that heartache. Random memories, random insignificant shit you see online and want to share with him, and then you think "oh, wait. I can't do this anymore". I feel I lost a lover and a friend and this loss affects me to the point I start crying (again). "It's ok to cry", I say to myself, better out then in.
I am an artist and this is what makes me feel so much, I guess.I am many things,a nice person, a child sometimes that has been through so much shit that I can't even start to explain right now.
A jewelry maker, a freelance writer, and also an aspiring actor, and I cannot leave these emotions affect my work.
I shall focus all of these confused, hurt, grieving feelings into a ball of energy that will put me back on track. I will take this energy and I'll pour it into my writing and and my jewelry making.
Tomorrow I will focus on my acting rehearsal to do my best. We will see tomorrow how I will be doing that, I'm not sure now.
Until then, this blog keeps me sane and close to you, even if I don't know you.
You are all human beings just as I am ,and I feel your empathy towards me. And I give empathy back to everyone who needs it. That's how the World goes round.
It is time to put those dear people from your life, back on their place.
I tend to do it, maybe we all do, I don't know, I am just talking from my experience, but when I am with someone, I tend to put him first, and after ,my family and friends.
I don't really know why am I doing that, I think it has to do with the way I am built. That doesn't mean I am ignoring my friends or family, but it means that I prioritize the one in my life.
You should always keep your dear ones near.I did, and I am lucky.
I called a friend today to come live with me for a couple of days. Loneliness is not good for me right now.
I had nightmares, dreams within dreams like Poe's poem.
I don' t know what's their metaphysical meaning and I don't really have the energy to think about them now. Maybe you could help with any suggestions.
I went for a walk, empty my brain from all the overthinking. It helped.
My ex boyfriend sent me a text that he wanted to meet and give me back my belongings. Very polite, but I don't want to see him, it is NOT a good idea, so I said that to him.
Screw this,I don't feel like being polite.
I feel sad and fed up.
While you are trying to move on, PLEASE END any contact with your ex, that is my advice. It is time to put yourself first and NOT think of anything besides yourself and your OWN GOOD.
So yeah, I am selfish this time. And I am feeling I've got the power back.
I don't have any more epiphanies to share with you today. If you do, don' t hesitate to write.
Remember: eat, pray, cry, be pissed off if you feel like it, be selfish.
Smiles will come later, I promise.
Love,
Sofia
All the things that you did with the other significant one, all the small things, from how the day was starting and all that wonderful routine you shared together, what messages would you be sharing during the day, what dinner you would eat together, etc.
So, I guess this is exactly like drug recovery. One step at a time, baby steps.
It is hard ,I know. Trying to cope with the reality that everything will change and nothing will be the same again.
It sounds so dramatic but if you are like me, a person that invests 100% of itself in a relationship, then you will know it is true.
Today I feel a bit worse then yesterday, because :
As the day starts, you go to work, doing your tasks, talking to other people, you get caught up in that particular routine and it is great to take your mind out of it, but the fact that I work from home does not help very much. Standing between 4 walls, and trying to focus on my writing and my jewelry making, it's so damn hard because the mind keeps going to that heartache. Random memories, random insignificant shit you see online and want to share with him, and then you think "oh, wait. I can't do this anymore". I feel I lost a lover and a friend and this loss affects me to the point I start crying (again). "It's ok to cry", I say to myself, better out then in.
I am an artist and this is what makes me feel so much, I guess.I am many things,a nice person, a child sometimes that has been through so much shit that I can't even start to explain right now.
A jewelry maker, a freelance writer, and also an aspiring actor, and I cannot leave these emotions affect my work.
I shall focus all of these confused, hurt, grieving feelings into a ball of energy that will put me back on track. I will take this energy and I'll pour it into my writing and and my jewelry making.
Tomorrow I will focus on my acting rehearsal to do my best. We will see tomorrow how I will be doing that, I'm not sure now.
Until then, this blog keeps me sane and close to you, even if I don't know you.
You are all human beings just as I am ,and I feel your empathy towards me. And I give empathy back to everyone who needs it. That's how the World goes round.
It is time to put those dear people from your life, back on their place.
I tend to do it, maybe we all do, I don't know, I am just talking from my experience, but when I am with someone, I tend to put him first, and after ,my family and friends.
I don't really know why am I doing that, I think it has to do with the way I am built. That doesn't mean I am ignoring my friends or family, but it means that I prioritize the one in my life.
You should always keep your dear ones near.I did, and I am lucky.
I called a friend today to come live with me for a couple of days. Loneliness is not good for me right now.
I had nightmares, dreams within dreams like Poe's poem.
I don' t know what's their metaphysical meaning and I don't really have the energy to think about them now. Maybe you could help with any suggestions.
I went for a walk, empty my brain from all the overthinking. It helped.
My ex boyfriend sent me a text that he wanted to meet and give me back my belongings. Very polite, but I don't want to see him, it is NOT a good idea, so I said that to him.
Screw this,I don't feel like being polite.
I feel sad and fed up.
While you are trying to move on, PLEASE END any contact with your ex, that is my advice. It is time to put yourself first and NOT think of anything besides yourself and your OWN GOOD.
So yeah, I am selfish this time. And I am feeling I've got the power back.
I don't have any more epiphanies to share with you today. If you do, don' t hesitate to write.
Remember: eat, pray, cry, be pissed off if you feel like it, be selfish.
Smiles will come later, I promise.
Love,
Sofia
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