The day after the breakup

Hi guys. 

I usually keep my inner thoughts and feelings for myself and write only about impersonal, funny things. Today I won't be doing that because I consider I have grown the past couple of years, and with growth comes change, with change comes wisdom and with wisdom, comes authenticity. 

So... this is me.

A girl/woman that still acts like some sort of unknowing child in every relationship she has. I always wanted to do things my way and that led me to many, many relationship fails and bruised hearts.

This last year taught me how to compromise. How to make things work not only my way, but my partners way too. So tough, though. But I did it. With hard work, sincerity, and lots and looots of giving.

So why am I writing about the day after the breakup right now, you may ask. 

Well. 

It happened again. 

I got dumped and I am trying to cope with it with grace, vulnerability, wisdom. I think I may do it , and if you are in the same situation as I am, please watch my posts, as I will share with you my personal healing experience. 

How can a person cope with the death of a truly cherished relationship.

How to cope when your partner, out of the blue sais "I never loved you/I am not inlove with you". 

What then?

What is my next step and how the hell can I put myself together again after this shock will wear off?

Before, I was getting a wine bottle (or three), and numb the pain off. 

I was the type of woman that was courted by many men, and I could have got another guy in just a flash. I did that too. It won't help, trust me. It will break you even more. 

I made this blog to focus on healing myself and help whoever is in need. I've been through this many times and I know it hurts and how fed up you can get when you are giving yourself over and over again and the result is still the same. You lose you appetite, you cry a lot or maybe put a nice shiny mask that laughs a lot; you can't sleep and when you do, you wake up with all that pre-breakup discussion rumbling inside your brain. Maybe harsh things that have been said, maybe things that you could have said. You can't make the thoughts go away and you are living in a personal hell and heartbreak. 

Well , as I said. Even if it's the first day, or second, or whatever day after a breakup with someone who was really meaningful to you,  try to think that you are NOT alone in this. Look, it happened to me too. Just the day before,and to be honest, i feel like shit. But even though is cliche, I KNOW for a fact this will pass, and so do you if you are looking inside your soul. 

It happened, there is nothing that you can do about it. 

I've read somewhere that if you truly love a person, you let him/her go. If it comes back to you, that means it was meant to be. That's reciprocity and That is what everyone deserves. One sided relationships don't work and lower your energy, self esteem, everything.

 If it's not, I am sorry to say it wasn't meant to be and you are better off. And this is where all the heartbreak comes. You've invested so much in this and you can see the horrible result, I feel this too. 

But after a long time, I feel free. Besides the sadness, I can see clear that I am not alone. There are people in my life, my friends, for example, that I can reach out to. They can come to my place, hang out, talk to me, the day passes easier. You don't get to be stuck in your brain thinking why that person left me? What am I doing so wrong? 

My problem here is that I 've invested so much of me, very altruistic, very authentic, and very unconditional, that I forgot that my partner may not be feeling the same.  

We tend to believe that what we give we will get back, who sais that ? The movies ? 

Its a myth. 

So, i took a long hard look at myself and my relationship and I have two options.

A. To act like the victim here "nobody loves me, boo hoo" , to close the windows, doors, phone, and just act like it was not my fault at all and we just didn't match. 

Or B, I can take responsibility for my own shit, and say "I've tried my best." and try to figure out how to be myself again. 

We tend to lose ourselves in relationships in order to "be okay". Not good. We all do it more or less.

Anyway, what can I do in the first day after the break up? 

1.I feel Sadness, pain, like a huge loss in my soul because I cared so much and I lost it. To deny these feelings is to deny myself. Well, for start I can let myself cry. I haven't done that in a while and I tried to be a "strong individual". (Tip: never suppress your sadness that's like invalidating yourself).

It is ok to feel vulnerable. It's what makes us human, so cry with me if you need to. Cry now or later, and as often as you feel like until your nose gets red. Be grumpy, sad, swear a lot if it helps. But TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. In a relationship there are two parts, not one, but now is not the moment to overthink the relationship because you are way too emotional.

After I cry ,my way of coping is to call a friend or two. Close people who I love and love me back, and would come in the middle of the night to stay with me if that is my need. 

2.Talking helps. 

If not with friends or family, then even with strangers here on the internet. We're all the same. 

3. If you can, get dressed and go out. Meet with friends or just walk around in a parc, grab a coffee. 

Think and let the thoughts flow trough you. Don't suppress them, let them be and validate your sorrow. Think you've been single before. You will be able to be single again. After all, we're not born in relationships. 

4. Try to eat something you enjoy, sleep and relax. That is the key. Rest your body because all those bad vibes have been taking a toll on you. 

Breathe heavily. 

Hydrate. 

Eat fruits. 

Cry. 

Look at the sun. Or listen to the rain. 

Be Thankful. This world is an amazing place, and we are lucky we are alive. We are lucky we are healthy. We are lucky with our families, and friends, and pets.

Pray. 

But not in a "God please let us be back together" way, that is obsession and if you chose to obsess over something, obsess over you and your perspective in life. Focus all that bitter energy into something creative, powerful, something that defines you and makes you reborn from the ashes. Be Phoenix-like. Pray for yourself. Not even in the biblical sense, but in a spiritual way. Give positive thoughts to you. I know its another cliche the "think positive" card, but don't be harsh and judgmental on you. I know you do it. I am doing it too, but I am trying not to.

If we do all the things I've mentioned, we'll escape a little bit from the hell we have in our minds, and make it a bit more bearable. A cozier hell for the first day. 

5.Focus on something else. Wear comfortable clothes and watch some TV shows. I like "The big bang theory".

For now this is my first day. This is how I cope. I will write more as the days will pass. Until then , I am here for you, and whoever wants to share their experience no matter how many days passed since your heartbreak, I will be replying. 

Love, 

Sofia.