Wow.
There were the most intense 7 minutes of my life I think. I overcame my fears.
I can say now: wow, am I that strong?
Yes, I am.
Am I an actress?
Yes, I am.
Am I choosing myself?
Yes. For the first time in my life. It feels amazing.
They say when you are uncomfortable you are becoming better. You shed your old skin for a new one; every cell of your body burns in agony in order to make new ones from the ashes.
The lights, the stage, the people you work with. The energy, the chemistry, the audience, the fear that eats your insides and the explosion of pure joy when you get some applause or some smiles, any feedback from the audience.
If I was losing myself in my own misery of ex relationship, of memories, of laziness, I would not have lived this.
I still care, I still think from time to time of my ex, I wonder how is he doing, what he thinks right now, how is his life, is he alright or not?
It's ok to care but with a big dose of detachment because otherwise it is called obsession and that's not right.
It will eat you up.
I don't wish to see him, I think it would make me uncomfortable on some level. I just focus on myself and noone else right now.
I had the chance 2 days ago to make a new connection with a beautiful Eurasian man. I met him in the club I usually go dance on electronic music, but I got so scared. And I ran.
He was amazing, polite, everything, not to mention beautiful to look at. Tall , raven long hair, and those eyes, oh my god. But it felt like I was cheating. And I've realized I haven't let my ex go. He is still there, in my head, in my body, around me.
But that's okay, there is no point of denying. I will date whenever I'll be ready. Until then there's so much unexplored teritory of myself.
I was like human race, trying to conquer space, when we don't even know what lies deep down in the oceans of our own planet.
Its me, myself and I, and that is alright.
Love,
S.
There were the most intense 7 minutes of my life I think. I overcame my fears.
I can say now: wow, am I that strong?
Yes, I am.
Am I an actress?
Yes, I am.
Am I choosing myself?
Yes. For the first time in my life. It feels amazing.
They say when you are uncomfortable you are becoming better. You shed your old skin for a new one; every cell of your body burns in agony in order to make new ones from the ashes.
The lights, the stage, the people you work with. The energy, the chemistry, the audience, the fear that eats your insides and the explosion of pure joy when you get some applause or some smiles, any feedback from the audience.
If I was losing myself in my own misery of ex relationship, of memories, of laziness, I would not have lived this.
I still care, I still think from time to time of my ex, I wonder how is he doing, what he thinks right now, how is his life, is he alright or not?
It's ok to care but with a big dose of detachment because otherwise it is called obsession and that's not right.
It will eat you up.
I don't wish to see him, I think it would make me uncomfortable on some level. I just focus on myself and noone else right now.
I had the chance 2 days ago to make a new connection with a beautiful Eurasian man. I met him in the club I usually go dance on electronic music, but I got so scared. And I ran.
He was amazing, polite, everything, not to mention beautiful to look at. Tall , raven long hair, and those eyes, oh my god. But it felt like I was cheating. And I've realized I haven't let my ex go. He is still there, in my head, in my body, around me.
But that's okay, there is no point of denying. I will date whenever I'll be ready. Until then there's so much unexplored teritory of myself.
I was like human race, trying to conquer space, when we don't even know what lies deep down in the oceans of our own planet.
Its me, myself and I, and that is alright.
Love,
S.
